the dark defender.

Lately, i've been watching a lot of box sets. The two that have made me happy and entertained recently are 'The Office (US)' and 'Dexter'.

Both shows are really good. The Office is more of a dry-humoured comedy, whereas Dexter is basically a thriller/investigative/comedic kind of show.

I suggest that if you haven't watched the office, or dexter (ELENA) you really should!

Dexter is about a guy named Dexter Morgan, who is a blood splatter analyst with the Miami Metro Police Department. The irony is that he is also a serial killer who kills bad people. He lives by a code that his foster father laid out for him (due to Dexter being present when his mother was murdered by chainsaw when he was only a little kid) as his father knew that he was 'dangerous', hence why dexter only kills bad people.

Dexter parallels some of the feelings i feel sometimes. For example, throughout the show, you can hear him saying what he is thinking.. basically you get to hear his thoughts. He doesn't feel emotions that strongly, and he doesnt understand the events and conventions of society and people in general. Sometimes i feel lost, and like no one really knows who i am, but me and the select few who actually 'try' to understand.

But yeah, i suggest that you watch these shows. I could sit down for hours and watch them. =]]]]]]]]

forbidden crush.

haven't blogged in a while, but Ell has prompted me to write something, haha.
so, today was my busiest day at uni. 10 till 5, 4 classes, an hour and a half break all up. by the end of the day i'm pretty deaaaaaaaaaaad. But!!!!!!, with the exception of being brought back to life by mad friends!!!!!!!

i swear this church of satan thing will never get old!

so, i had a pretty sweet day. my afternoon was pretty entertaining. sometimes when im talking to people i've known for a long time, we disagree about things and what i say isn't ever believed. like today, i was arguing with a friend (jokingly), and he was not believing what i was saying, so my friend Ell was being my own personal arguer! she was sticking up for me and stuff. feels kinda really good when you don't have to say anything because someone else does the arguing for you. i like it haha.

but yeah, forbidden crushes. they kill my life. not only because it's inappropriate, but because they just kill me. sometimes i guess these 'forbidden' things get the better of us. well, me anyway. we're always out to want to know what things feel like and what things that are forbidden feel like. we always want to know!

'we always want to see what is hidden by what we see.' Rene Magritte

but yes, i'm starting to develop some really close friendships with people, and it's making life a whole lot better.

WE WANT YOU!

This is a photo of my friend Ell on The Church of Satan website (she's not a satanist, lol). It was a heaps fun afternoon. Doing stupid shit like looking up aliens, Area 51, vampires and Satan make going to Uni so fun.

meet me out past the train tracks.

helllllllo.
Summer is on its way, i can feel it. Can't say that i'm a fan of the heat, and of never really feeling comfortable because of it, but i guess summer has it's upsides. Summer festivals are pretty much the best things on my calender each year. There's sometihng about them that makes me feel soo good about everything. Seeing a handful of bands that i love all on the same day is something that i can't explain, but anyway, before the summer festival season starts, i have to make it through all the boring chapters.
Uni is cruising along rather smoothely at the moment, but it's all going to change in a couple of weeks when assessments start piling up. I'm trying to stay on top of all my readings though. I've been reading heaps lately. Today i read The Waste Land by T. S. Eliot. It's interesting, but i still can't get my head around it. It's a complex work, but i really need to start having a vague idea about what he's saying and what he's suggesting, because i have to do a 10 minute presentation on it). I still have a couple of weeks so it should be all good.
But yeah, this week should be alright. Ive got a field trip to the city on friday, to an art gallery, then probably just hang out in the city for a bit, i don't know.
Something has been making me feel incredibly good about everything in my life, and i don't even know what it is. There's been a lot of things that have brought me down for a while, but i think i've learnt to let them go, or block them out, and it has been liberating to say the least. There's a weight off my shoulders now, so whatever/whoever has helped me walk free of all those things, thank-you so much.

This song, (although many people disregard this kind of music) makes me so happy! It just makes me remember all the times i had with friends i don't see anymore, it just makes me happy. So i hope you enjoy it for what it is, not for what people say about this type of music, because i believe that these bands and these singers pour their hearts into these songs, and to me, that's what it's all about.

Press on.

I've been listening to a lot of music today and i can't help but get lost within the words of some songs. They give me a sense of belonging - like, i know these bands, and i know these songs, but i don't know the artists personally. Sometimes, when all else fails, it feels like i can find security in the words of songs; it feels like i know the people who write them, and it feels like they understand what i feel. This kind of thing makes music so important to me...

To Whom It May Concern - Underoath

So hold your head up high and know, it's not the end of the road.
Walk down this beaten path before you pack your things and head home
At the end of the road you'll find what you've been longing for
You'll find what you've been longing for..

I know 'cause my feet have the scars to show
I was lost with vague direction and no place to call home

It's time for you to press on
This is not your war
Set your sights to North and press on
This is not your escape
Wash away what they thought of you
Because in this place, we're all as good as dead
...end cycle...

Behind the mask you'll find yourself alone
It's not the end of road for you.

This makes me proud.

First post.

I've always wanted to start a blog, so here it is.
I heard about this site from a friend (hey Ell !!!!), and it seemed pretty sweet.
so basically, i have a lot to say. Things that i've never had the oppurtunity to put into words for other people to read, and maybe get something out of. For example: yesterday at uni, i heard that a friend of mines grandfather passed away. Although elderely death is inevitable (for now anyway), i couldn't help but think about how pointless the whole cycle of life really seems. Seeing the pain that this person was feeling due to this was enough for me to start thinking about existence.
I see people trying so hard (me included) - whether it be for their education, profession, or just everyday kind of stuff. We are trying so hard to 'become' something; to achieve success in order to eventually have enough money to sustain a family. With this in mind, death seems to cancel all these aspirations out for me. Fair enough, we're alive and we should make the most out of the time we have, and i really believe in this, but i can't help but feel like i'm sitting in a waiting room, just waiting for the end. Back to my point: we try so hard, and strive to become what we want to become... but in the end, the equation adds up to nothing. We will eventually die. Our names will be forgotten over time, and the things we strived for/to become won't stand for anything - don't get me wrong; to our children, and our childrens children, what we did during our lives will be spoken about and remembered, but over time, as our children and their children get old, our achievements, and our lives will be lost.
I know i'm pondering on this, and you may not have the same thoughts as me.. but the occurence of death, and the sadness it brings got me thinking about how life is just a waiting room, full of up's and down's, laughter and tears, family and friends etc, and we shouldn't take advantage of the little time we have left, because eventually our lives will be forgotten, but the lives we lead and the people we spend our time with are all that matters in the end.

Don't take anything for granted, we're all more fragile than you think.

Chris.